As the DVD and BLU-RAY release of Dexter Fletcher’s WILD BILL is upon us, we thought we would take a fond look back at some of British cinema’s most notorious ‘ard men to have terrified, amused and fascinated us over the years.
So, the weigh-in has been assessed, and here are the stats…
Charles Bronson/Michael Gordon Peterson – Bronson (2008) – Tom Hardy
‘You shouldn’t mess with boys what are bigger than you.’
Strength: Hostage taking
Weakness: Resides behind bars
Weapon Of Choice: His ferocious fists
Petersen, who changed his name to Charles Bronson in 1987, is a very frightening, and very real man. He is Britain’s most violent prisoner to date, and has a reputation for being one of the most ruthless underground bare-knuckle boxers of his day.
Tom Hardy portrayed Bronson in the film of the same name, for which he underwent a rigorous physical training regime in order to reach his phenomenal level of strength, and spent a lot of time speaking to him, so as to be able to understand and replicate Bronson’s warped and paradoxical nature; as well as being a feared physical presence, he is a published author and artist.
Richard – Dead Man’s Shoes (2004) – Paddy Considine
‘Make a noise and I’ll push this in your spine.’
Strength: Intelligent, calculating, and relentless ex-soldier
Weakness: Unknown
Weapon Of Choice: Instinct
Paddy Considine was perfectly cast in this psychological thriller from Shane Meadows. He plays Richard, who returns from a stint in the army, only to find his mentally vulnerable younger brother is being taken advantage of by a gang of louts in their home town. Richard vows revenge, and needs only his vast array of specialist combat skills in order to achieve it.
Don Logan – Sexy Beast (2000) – Sir Ben Kingsley
‘Gentlemen! You’re all c*nts.’
Strength: Intimidating Sociopath
Weakness: Turns everyone into an enemy
Weapon Of Choice: Manipulation
An absolute firework of a human being would be a description considered too mild for Don Logan. He is a feared villain of London’s underworld, who goes to Spain to convince retired safe-cracker, Gary ‘Gal’ Dove (Ray Winstone), to do a job for his boss, Teddy Bass (Ian McShane).
Sir Ben Kingsley, who based the role on his grandmother, is genuinely horrifying as Logan and was nominated for an Oscar for his performance. Any man that can make Ray Winstone quiver in his boots is a bona fide beast, and must be treated with extreme caution.
Francis ‘Franco’ Begbie – Trainspotting (1996) – Robert Carlisle
‘You sorry enough for being a fat f**king c*nt?’
Strength: Unpredictability
Weakness: Addicted to alcohol, amphetamines, and the specific adrenaline rush that can only be released when he’s kicking your teeth in
Weapon Of Choice: Pool Cue, Bar Stool… anything solid that can be found in a Scottish public house
Begbie is a proud member of the YLT (Young Leith Team), and our obligatory football hooligan. He is fiercely loyal to his friends, but his attempts to control their actions ensure the reverse is not true. He has a perpetual problem with everyone, including you, and there is no telling whether he will shake your hand, or violently head-butt you until your face resembles the aftermath of an explosion in a butcher’s shop.
Carlin – Scum (1979) – Ray Winstone
‘Right Banks, you bastard! I’m the daddy now, next time, I’ll f**king kill ya!’
Strength: Youthful tenacity
Weakness: Lack of experience or wisdom
Weapon Of Choice: Snooker or pool ball in a sports sock (preferably sweaty and stained, though not essential)
SCUM is the unflinching depiction of life in a British borstal in the seventies. The new boy, Carlin, decides that he wants to run things inside, and so begins a violent journey to the top, comprising of strategically timed attacks on the other alpha males in the institution.
This was Winstone’s breakthrough performance, and was considered one of the most controversial films of the decade, partly due to an infamously graphic rape scene. However, rather surprisingly, it has since earned a reputation as a pop culture classic.
… and one beloved British loser.
Witnail – Withnail & I (1987) – Richard E. Grant
‘I think we’ve been in here too long. I feel unusual.’
Strength: Crying, ranting and moaning
Weakness: Anything that vaguely resembles a drug he can ingest to fuel his journey towards complete self-destruction
Weapon Of Choice: Cowardice by the tonne
Withnail and Marwood (Paul McGann) are unemployed actors living in a grotty Camden flat, who appear to be completely deserving of their predicament. Instead of trying to solve their problems, they decide to run away to the country to stay with Withnail’s uncle Monty, but soon find their country-life survival skills put to the test; a test they are destined to fail.
Withnail is a sad, though endearing, cult icon, who would be mercilessly crushed by any of the aforementioned bruisers, even if they had just been shot and maimed moments before. He is the personification of gutlessness, and is only worried about nurturing his hedonistic way of life.
Verdict: Using the same technology as TV’s DEADLIEST WARRIOR (this isn’t true, but would be fun), THN have calculated that Richard from DEAD MAN’S SHOES would have emerged victorious, had these five titans – and Withnail – locked horns on the battlefield. He is, after all, a highly disciplined former soldier with no discernible weakness. However, if the fight took place in a bar, Withnail would be crowned the winner by technicality. He would hide in the men’s toilets while the other five brutally pulverised each other, before looting their battered bodies and heading off in search of his next fix.
WILD BILL is released on DVD and BLU-RAY on Monday 23rd July, and you can read our review here.
