There’s little in life more important than having a good scheme up your sleeve, and that goes double for the world of TV. Drama comes from conflict, and conflict often comes from some form of scheme, plan, or ploy. More than just a plot device, a good scheme can shed light on a TV character: are they good or bad at schemes? Is the scheme necessary? Does it make sense? Is it executed well, with style, poise and accuracy? All of these questions and more must be asked about each and every devious plan. But a scheme is nothing without a schemer. These are TV’s wiliest foxes, who never met a scenario they didn’t reckon they could wiggle their way out of. Or into, as the case may be.
Five great TV schemers…
George Costanza
SEINFELD (1989 – 1998)
George Costanza lives his life one scheme at a time. His day to day consists of overreacting, getting himself into a hole, then trying to scheme his way out of it. In his professional life, he’ll go to extreme lengths in order to avoid a little bit of work, perhaps most notably employing a handyman to install a magnificent napping area under his desk. In his romantic life, he ensnares an endless line of unreasonably attractive women, usually with an underhanded ploy, only to lose them again through further machinations. Though the other SEINFELD characters will happily jump into schemes of their own, it is George who takes the biscuit. Elaine generally schemes to settle a score; Jerry to fulfill a personal curiosity. Kramer just bumbles into things. George Costanza is willing to mastermind a complex plot that no reasonable human being would go anywhere near. George excels at schemes for two key reasons: dedication to his plan, and willingness to stoop to any level. Unlike other characters on this list, once George Costanza gets a bee in his bonnet, he’ll see it through to the bitter end. With his surprising level of self awareness, George really isn’t bothered by what other people think of him. He knows his limitations, and makes up for a lack of ability with a lack of a conscience.
Ellstin Limehouse 
JUSTIFIED (2010 – )
JUSTIFIED’s Harlan county is chock full of schemers. Between perennial trouble starter Boyd Crowder, full scale antagonists like Robert Quarles and smaller-time mischief maker Wynn Duffy, it’s almost impossible to know just who you’ve got to stay one step ahead of. The exceptional third season took this to another level, with multiple criminals attempting to seize control of Harlan’s lucrative criminal empire, leading to no end of back-stabbery and quintuple-crosses. Perhaps the most adept schemer of all, though, was new character Ellstin Limehouse, patriarch of the Noble’s Holler region of Kentucky. His secret is playing his cards so close to his chest; while Quarles makes a big entrance and an immediate stake for kingpin of Kentucky, Limehouse remains tucked away in the diner that operates as his front, observing the numerous Elmore Leonard flavoured foibles of Harlan’s criminal population. A great deal of season three consists of the forging of various alliances. While Quarles and Crowder made no attempt to hide their respective allegiances and what they hoped to achieve, Limehouse met with each of the major players and worked out his best bet. As Limehouse’s motivations become clearer, this all makes more sense, but it’s immediately clear that he’s been here for a long time, and that’s no coincidence.
Tyrion Lannister
GAME OF THRONES (2011 – )
In GAME OF THRONES times, there are no guns, laptops or jeeps. As such, the citizens of Westeros gain status primarily through physical force, whether that takes the form of personal strength or the support of an army. Tyrion Lannister, then, should not function in this world nearly as well as he does. Noble breeding aside, he is a somewhat cowardly and entirely id-based dwarf, more likely to use a blade to slice off a piece of delicious fruit than decapitate a foe. Luckily for him, he has more smarts and ingenuity than most every other player of the game put together. While ding dongs like Jon Snow follow codes of honour and run around in the boring ice, Tyrion uses charisma, quips and a disregard for traditionalism to get what he needs. Tyrion’s scenes are consistently the best THRONES has to offer. This is in no small part down to Dinklage’s exceptional performance – so good that his accent’s occasional trips up and down the map don’t distract one bit – but equally due to the sheer enjoyment of watching a complete underdog rule the roost. GAME OF THRONES often uses its enormous cast to its advantage, but Tyrion – and Dinklage – is so clearly a cut above the rest that the third season would benefit more political machinations at King’s Landing and less trekking through snow or searching for goddamn CGI dragons.
The Gang
IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA (2005 – )
‘SEINFELD on crack’ was the reductive-if-accurate tagline used to sell ALWAYS SUNNY in its early days. Setting aside how grating the ‘x on y’ trope is, the similarities are apparent. A group of awful people hang around despite their innumerable problems with one another, and generally make the world a slightly worse place to live in. Where SUNNY makes itself distinctive is in the inter-group relationships. The SEINFELD gang may have been thoughtless and unconcerned with each others’ feelings, but would often look out for one another; witness how quickly the relatively no-nonsense Jerry caves to Kramer’s dumb schemes. By contrast, a typical SUNNY episode will see the SUNNY gang breaking off into mini-factions to actively plot against each other. While other sitcom characters will stumble into a series of wacky adventures, these guys have nothing better to do than seek out endless schemes, ploys, flim flams and monkey shines. Their ineptitude and devastating lack of focus keeps them in a permanent state of sitcom stasis; in a rare moment of character awareness, a recent episode sees Dennis pointing out how a plan will always be derailed the instant they spot a new money-making opportunity or perceived slight. But even though the follow through is severely lacking, the gang always have something else up their collective sleeve, since they pretty much have nothing else to do.
Edmund Blackadder
BLACKADDER (1983 – 1989)
The Blackadder family is an entire lineage of sneaks and schemers; it’s even alluded to in the serpentine name. Rowan Atkinson’s collection of historical cowards are deceitful, selfish and sneaky – generally pretty horrendous people. However, unlike your George Costanzas or ALWAYS SUNNY’s gang, Blackadder is awful for legitimate reasons. Whatever the period in history, he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. Serving at the behest of a violently unpredictable monarch, a dangerously stupid prince or on the front lines of the First World War, BLACKADDER’s stakes are somewhat higher than the average sitcom. Blackadder has the advantage of generally being the most intelligent person in any given situation, which is less of a credit to him than a discredit to the surrounding players. His quick wit and Costanza-trumping disregard for the rest of humanity make him a natural survivor. Though individual Edmund Blackadders may fall by the wayside, the cunning family line will live to find itself in another inescapable historical situation.
…and one not so good one…
David Aceveda
THE SHIELD (2002 – 2008)
Being a cop in a particularly crime-ridden part of LA is difficult work. Commanding a unit of pumped-up officers who constantly overreact and resort to violence just exacerbates the problem. And when the most capable cop by far is also prone to a fair bit of corruption, well, you’d need to be a pretty smart guy to run that show. While David Aceveda is an intelligent individual, and a decent enough police officer at his best, his war with Detective Vic Mackey is painfully one-sided. Aceveda holds all the cards. He correctly suspects Vic of corruption, and is far from the only one. He has a great chunk of the LAPD’s resources at his disposal. He dedicates most of his time to his anti-Vic Mackey crusade, while Vic charges around the streets of Farmington with a full plate, solving and committing crimes in equal measures. Essentially, he’s just not crafty enough. Like THE SHIELD itself, he’s a lot better at starting something than actually carrying it out. He’ll come up with a scheme to get Vic on the ropes, only to get sidetracked by Vic’s latest promise to be good from now on, or a similar distraction. His ability with a scheme reflects his general character: he’s more or less all talk.
