Poseidon
is a loose remake of the 1972 Irwin Allen, all-star disaster epic. I say loose,
because, aside from the basic premise and the name of the ship (damn! No Shelly
Winters), everything else has changed to keep pace with the times, both in terms
of social commentary and technology.
The
set up in Poseidon is extremely simplistic. Several vacationers are having a grand
time aboard the colossal cruise ship Poseidon, completely unaware of the catastrophe
that awaits them. Silently racing toward the cruiser is a rare oceanic anomaly
known as a rogue wave - a powerful wall of water nearly twice the height of the
ship. As they party the night away, the ultimate buzzkill hammers the vessel at
a parallel angle with such tremendous force, that Poseidon is flipped upside down.
The hundreds of passengers who survive the ordeal are faced with the realization
that they might not make it if help does not arrive.
A
small group of strangers (including Kurt Russell, Josh Lucas, Richard Dreyfuss,
and Emmy Rossum) decide to separate from the manifest in an effort to reach safety,
but their journey to the surface proves to be enormously challenging - hence the
reason for going to the movie.
As
disaster movies go, Poseidon is pretty damn thrilling - even if the dialogue is
consistently hokey and some of the action sequences are implausible. At the very
least, it’s worlds better than Roland Emmerich’s schlocky The Day After
Tomorrow (on a side note, the dull Poseidon score sounds awfully reminiscent of
the music in that movie). There’s no question that Poseidon is a technical
marvel and given that the picture was directed by Wolfgang Petersen (no stranger
to getting his feet wet on set – he made Das Boot and The Perfect Storm),
how could it not be? Seriously, as over-the-top and cheesy as the movie gets (a
few moments even felt plucked from the Zuckers’ masterful parody Airplane),
I never looked at my watch.
As
a character study, Poseidon pretty much sinks like a rock. I wasn’t terribly
interested in any of these people - although I was slightly won over by Richard
Dreyfuss’ suicidal Richard Nelson. As the hapless passenger contemplates
taking his own life, his decision is abruptly altered as he sees the rogue wave
barreling towards the ship. The rest of the characters are pretty much stock.
You have a couple of newly engaged love birds, a father who’s a tad leery
about his daughter’s pending new life, a lonely individual who’s been
dumped by his significant other, a desperate mother and her young son, and, of
course, a stowaway. We also have the token smart ass, big mouth (played by an
annoying Kevin Dillon). Don’t get me wrong, I like Dillon particularly on
the terrifically entertaining Entourage, but here, I just wanted to smack him.
Nothing he does or says feels real. He doesn’t act as a person in this situation
would really act. Then again we do get to a point in Poseidon when we realize
this asshole of a character serves a distinct purpose.
While
we’re on the topic of character purpose - as was the case in J.J. Abrams’
Mission: Impossible III, there were few throwaway cast members here - each actor
serves a purpose. Whether it be falling behind so they can be rescued by one of
the bigger name stars, or performing some important life saving duty, I liked
that none of these characters felt irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. What’s
more, I was never entirely sure which one of them might die. Speaking of dying,
I wish Wolfgang Petersen would have taken some real initiative and killed-off
supporting player and pop sensation Stacy Ferguson in some grand cinematic fashion.
After all, it was Fergie who killed The Black Eyed Peas, so a little payback would
have been nice. Just a little somethin, somethin - maybe a little spill where
the statue of Poseidon catches her . . . with his trident.
Poseidon
features some truly awful dialogue and cornball melodrama. Watch as one passenger
looks deeply into his lover’s eyes and says; “I need you to tell me
that you love me.” It also features ridiculous, “why the hell is he
doing that?” type scenarios (chief among them, Josh Lucas’ heroic -
or if you prefer, moronic five story jump into a virtual pit of fire to save a
group of people he just barely met.) This might have been an effective and even
noble action had the scene been handled with a little more realism. As presented
in Poseidon however, it’s downright hilarious. Perhaps Kurt Russell sums
it up best with his staggeringly profound line, “There’s nothing fair
about who lives and who dies.” Word. The screenplay does offer one or two
decent nods and winks - at one point, Russell’s character Robert Ramsey reveals
that he used to be a firefighter. Significant in that the ship happens to be on
fire, and trivia-L in that Kurt Russell starred in Backdraft nearly fifteen years
ago.
The real
star of the show is director Wolfgang Petersen (The Neverending Story, Enemy Mine,
In the Line of Fire). When he’s letting the action do the talking, Poseidon
bristles with undeniable tension even if we’ve seen such business before.
His opening shot in which the camera swirls around the enormous boat giving the
audience a true feel for the enormity of this ship is breathtaking, but it’s
the claustrophobic nature of the picture that sends the heart racing. The sequence
in which a group of passengers try to make their way through an elevator shaft
is gut wrenching, particularly when one character is put in a horrifying situation
where he must make an impossible decision. A set piece in which several key characters
are forced to shimmy through a narrow ventilation system as it quickly fills with
water, is even more nauseating. Yes, Mr. Petersen knows how to ratchet up the
tension, which he proved years ago with his superior underwater gem Das Boot.
What’s more, this film maker has balls. People die in this movie. A lot of
people, in violent and gory enough ways to where I really think the studio got
off light with the PG-13 rating.
Poseidon
isn’t a masterpiece, but it is a visual stunner, and features stellar special
effects. It also benefits from skipping a lot of the set-up backstory and just
cutting right to the chase. Almost immediately, we are plunged into the thick
of the action. Again, there isn’t a whole lot of insight into these characters’
lives, but what Poseidon lacks in character development it more than makes up
for in spectacle and heart-pounding suspense. The movie offers up a tight running
time and a taut pace, and for what it’s worth, it works pretty well as a
quintessential disaster movie. Simply put, I enjoyed myself because I didn’t
expect much.
On
a side note, Poseidon is playing on various Imax screens across the country. If
you have an opportunity to see it in that format, do yourself a favor. When the
wave hits the boat, it’s an impressive tour de force of visual effects. I’ll
bet the tiny details would be far more effective on an Imax screen.
