The
charming feeling of "The Curse of the Black Pearl" is gone. Money managers
and executives got to all those involved: Tone down the gay prancing around, rum-soaked
mumbling, and sexual ambiguity, and play up the dead monsters. Have Johnny be
more of a hero! Orlando has a huge teen following. Have him order some pirates
around! Let's skip a story and concentrate on the special effects! Let's flog
this moneymaker!
Doesn't
Johnny want to write children's books based on Sparrow? Sparrow can't be slugging
rum and running around with whores, can he? How many points do we have to give
him for the Broadway musical?
There
is such extravagance on display that it is hard to dismiss this sequel as boring,
but ultimately, that's what it is. And, we are supposed to recall who was who
in the 2003 film. I've seen a lot of films since I saw "Curse." So I
had to ask, who's that dude walking down the stairs ready to save #3? Nope –
it was not Jack Sparrow's hotly anticipated dissolute dad, Keith Richards. If
only…
"Dead
Man" has everything twice. The sea monster has two cameos. There are extraordinary
special effects that overwhelm (if that is even fair to criticize in today's market)
the characters we enjoyed so much.
In
brief summary, and it gets murky, Captain Jack Sparrow (Depp) is once again in
thrall of decomposing octopus-faced Davy Jones (Bill Nighy), who is really mesmerizing
evil in a gleeful way (Predator-as-Sailor) with his infamous ship, the Flying
Dutchman, and his soulless crew of sea monster-rotting corpse men. Jones has been
hunting for Captain Jack. He steals a treasure that is a drawing of a key. Find
the key, get the chest it opens, and find the item that he can use to barter with
Jones. Or something like this.
Suddenly
this chest is a treasure everyone wants for some other reason. Maybe Jones is
blackmailing The East India Trading Co.'s prissy Lord Beckett (Tom Hollander)?
Beckett arrests Will Turner (Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Kiera Knightley) on the
day of their wedding. If Will agrees to find Captain Jack and get his compass,
Beckett will release Elizabeth from prison and let them live happily ever after.
And wouldn't you know it, Will finds not only Captain Jack, but his soulless father,
Bootstrap Bill (Stellan Skarsgard), who is now the only unhappy dead member of
Jones' crew. The most interesting character we meet is a friend of Captain Jack's,
a Jamaican witch, Tia Dalma (Naomie Harris). But their relationship is platonic.
Harris is enjoying herself the way Depp did in "Curse." What a shame,
this means she'll be opening an orphanage in #3.
Knightley
doesn't have much to do story-wise, so they give her a sword fight and a girly
temper tantrum. Her relationship with Captain Jack has absolutely no chemistry.
They should have wrestled around in Captain Jack's cabin, and then decided not
to. What went wrong? Come to think of it, Depp only had real chemistry on screen
with Al Pacino and Benico Del Toro.
Gore
Verbinski once again directs, allowing Depp to make more money-making faces. Gone
is the high camp, degenerate reckless flair. While handling all the special effects,
Bill Nighy easily limps off with the movie.
Who's
In It: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Bill Nighy
