If
the Weinstiens new animation venture took a dump with it’s debut Hoodwinked
- it certainly steps in it with the release of Doogal, a misbegotten remake of
a British film version of a 40 year old British tely treasure. In those days it
was called the Magical Roundabout or Le Manege Enchante, (evidently a French and
Brit collab) a collection of 30 minute stop-motion children’s shorts made
in the psychedelic 60s right where it should have remained. To have it dredged
from the depths suited the British version well enough, but what inspired the
Weinsteins to ferry it across for this Americanized run-down is just about as
hard to figure out as the film itself.
Given
a low-budget cgi treatment (which gives it terrific texture but laughably crude
fluidity of motion) and a stultifying Americanized script has resulted in the
hardest children’s film to sit through since that Barbie Nutcracker deal.
An embarassment all around, especially for Jon Stewart (who lends voice to the
villainous Zeebad) a spring-bottomed bouncing bad guy accidentally loosed from
his cell inside the Magic Rounabout by the hapless title kanine character. It
will be interesting to see how Stewart handles this disaster movie at this weeks
Oscar telecast. If not contractually prohibited, the smart money is that he’ll
mercilessly lampoon Zeebad movie with a strafing of self-deprecatory barbs. I
certainly hope so. Just to see the steam spewing from those Weinstein ears could
make this the most memorable telecast in years.
I’ll
run the plot down as briefly as I can - you see the spring-loaded Zeebad has designs
on turning the entire world to ice (?) by purloining magical diamonds that when
inserted into the merry-go-round, in turn brings about the aforementioned Ice
Age. What diabolical pleasures this will offer Zeebad are not covered in the narrative
- then again few things are. The scenes in Doogle unfold in such a seemingly random
fashion that it’s as though that rascal mutt got into the storyboards and
scrambled them too hopelessly to ever be reassembled in proper sequence.
Fortunately
there is a spring-bottomed good-guy, Zebedee (voiced by - of all people - Ian
McKellan) who enlists the help of Doogal as well as a rabbit (Jimmy Fallon) a
snail (William H. Macy) a cow (Whoopie Goldberg) all of whom hop aboard a magic
talking train (Chevy Chase) who greets the heroic Fellowship of the Diamond ring
with “I’m a train and you’re not.” I swear to God I’m
not making this up. That’s the kind of pop culture winks the adults have
to make due with, while the children become confused and beg for Red Vines. The
story is so ridiculously unfocused that it reminded me of playing that game Candyland
with my toddlers, back before their urge to win by cheating could be ethically
discouraged.
The
story contains so many just plain stupid sequences that I simply refuse to describe
any of it. And goodness the script??? It wants to be hip by dropping the nods
in for the grown ups, but not only are these topical winks really unfunny, but
random and pointless as well. Doogal suffers from many of the same misapprehensions
that plagued Date Movie. The writers merely drop pop culture references without
bothering to make them tie into the proceedings in any sort of funny or clever
way. Seriously the closest they come is with that I’m Chevy Chase and your’re
not bit.
It didn’t
help matters that the Boneman family were collectively and completely unfamiliar
with the source material, and it certainly didn’t help that the film sucked
Abominable Snowman balls. If Doogal were merely innocuous and played straight
for the kids (ala Curious George) I could have let it off the hook, but Doogle
is just aggressively bad. Not just skip it bad - more like boycott it, bad. I
felt truly sorry for Stewart and Kevin Smith, Chevy (not so much Chevy) Whoopie
and Fallon, William H. Macy - maybe they were all somehow Hoodwinked into signing
on before they got the script. Mostly though I just felt sorry for myself.
