Deuce
Bigalow: European Gigolo (not to be confused with Eurotrip or National Lampoon’s
European vacation) has the distinction of being better than the picture that inspired
it (I’m speaking, of course, of the original Duece Bigelow), but this isn’t
exactly high praise. And damn the film makers for making us wait six long years
for this most necessary follow up (yes I’m being sarcastic).
In
European Gigolo, Rob Schneider’s Deuce heads to – you guessed it –
Europe to hook up with his homophobic pimp buddy T.J. Hicks (played by Eddie Griffin–a
Kyle England favorite) in an effort to put behind memories of his deceased wife.
Soon, he finds himself in the man-ho game again, but in Europe, competition is
much more fierce (the second oldest profession, across the pond). And to make
matters even worse, there’s a killer on the loose, a sort of Jack the Ripper
praying on the great Gigalos of the city in what could best be described as a
bizarre ode to Brian DePalma’s Dressed to Kill.
As
much I wish this web site was my bread and butter, it just isn’t practical.
I have a day job as well. Ironically I’m a male prostitute myself (I don’t
mean to boast, but let’s just say that none of my satisfied customers have
ever referred to me as “half-Mast.” Getting back to reality. When we’re
not too busy at work we shoot the breeze, and one guy in particular with whom
I’ve become friends (we’ll call him Ben) likes to share his infinite
knowledge of various sex terms with the rest of us. The Dirty Sanchez, The Houdini,
The Donkey Punch, etc. This guy knows them all, and in fact he and his buddies
have even made up some shit (the Cinderella is my personal favorite). Well, Ben
my friend, I think you’d even be at a loss for words upon seeing the magical
terms conjured up in this movie. Have you ever heard of a Portugese Breakfast?
I thought not. While we don’t actually discover the true nature of this particular
sex act in the movie (all I know is that it involves several men in raincoats),
that’s hardly the point. Deuce Bigalow is so crass and juvenile, that you
have to assume it’s something extremely nasty. And while we’re on that
subject, this film aims even lower with an unbelievable term that I’ve affectionately
deemed "The Blowhole." Don’t ask.
Deuce
Bigalow: European Gigolo is populated with some fairly amusing bit players. We
get Norm McDonald as an Irish man-whore with a sad set of old school values, Jeroen
Krabbe (who you may remember from The Fugitive) as an anal law man trying to discover
the true identity of the man-whore killer, and a cameo from Mr. Happy Madison
Productions himself, Adam Sandler. And then there’s Eddie Griffin, a comedian
whom our music guru Kyle England insists is cinematic poison. I don’t believe
this is the film that will change that passionate stance.
Rob
Schneider is, perhaps, the most un-funny SNL vet who’s ever got more than
one vehicle feature, but he continues to get work because he has a very nice (and
loyal) employer. In fact, Mr. Schneider was recently on MTV’s Cribs showing
off his massive abode and suggested; "this is the house that Sandler built."
Schneider really makes me laugh, but for all the wrong reasons. Take for instance
his recent feud with Los Angeles Times’ Patrick Goldstein. Goldstein took
a couple of pot shots at Schneider in a recent Times article. Deuce himself fired
back by taking out full page ads in both Variety and The Hollywood Reporter claiming
that; "Maybe Goldstein didn’t win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven’t
invented a category for Best Third Rate, Unfunny, Pompous Reporters Who’ve
Never Been Acknowledged by their Peers." Veteran film critic Roger Ebert
was quick to point out in a recent review of this movie (he awarded it zero stars)
that Schneider in fact, was wrong in his remarks. Goldstein has been honored with
several awards. Whatever the case may be, this movie hardly seems worth all the
fuss, but then that’s probably why Schneider fired back. Maybe he’s
not so dumb after all. You know the saying; there’s no such thing as bad
press.
So is the
picture any good? Well, as stupid, gross, vile, dirty and lame as Deuce Bigalow:
European Gigolo is - overall, I found myself laughing on several occasions. Perhaps
it’s because I was extremely tired and at a midnight show, or maybe it’s
just because I’m so bored of these "let’s play it safe and go for
the PG-13" style flicks that I found it refreshing that this makes it two
R rated comedies in the last month (and it should be duly noted that this one
has nothing on the superior Wedding Crashers). And with the upcoming 40 Year Old
Virgin (I’m almost certain that Steve Carell will outdo Rob Schneider in
the adult comedy department – this guy is damn funny) it looks as if maybe
Hollywood is lightening up. After all, you don’t have to see these movies
if you don’t want to, but it sure is nice to have a choice.
Deuce
Bigalow: European Gigolo is hardly a comic masterpiece. It’s full of obvious
stereotypes and chalk full of jokes that aren’t particularly humorous. It’s
poorly directed and looks as if it were cut with scissors and scotch tape. Still,
this is funnier than the first entry. In fact, dare I say, I think I chuckled
more in this than I did in Dukes of Hazzard. If Adam Sandler's pockets are deeo
enough to treat us to another sequel in the Deuce Begalow saga, I’d like
to pitch my title for the follow-up: The Adventures of Dick Face and the Blowhole
in 3-D. I’d shell out another 8 bucks to see that.
