Like
Collateral Damage, Rollerball has taken the long road to the silver screen. Unlike
Collateral Damage, Rollerball was shelved for good reason--IT SUCKS! Originally
slated for last year, the studio lost all faith in this picture and decided to
hold-off on it for a while. In the last six months, it's been cut from an R rating
to a PG-13, presumably to get in audiences of all ages, and bring in a quick buck.
But make no mistake--this is a painfully awful film.
This
is a remake of Norman Jewison's vastly superior film from the 70's. The title
refers to a futuristic type of Roller Derby where athletes on roller skates pummeling
each other, in an attempt to get a ball and in a goal. Sadly, most of the pain
is inflicted upon the movie goer.
The
main gist of the film involves corrupt team-owners, with an agenda that includes
having these athletes killed to improve the sports popularity. True, the original
Rollerball was no classic, but it did have some witty, satirical moments and succeeded
because of a good performance from James Caan. Unfortunately this utterly confused
remake fails miserably on every possible level.
It
was directed by action guru John McTiernan (Die Hard, Predator) and he is strangely
unable to breathe any kind of life or rhythm into this dreadfully bad movie. While
watching it, I got a sense that there might have been something here at some point,
but was edited together in such a completely inept fashion that you'd have to
guess that McTiernan washed his hands of it early on and it was slapped together
by a couple of third graders.
There
are so many things wrong with this movie, that I don't even know where to begin.
Chris Klein is terrible, but it's unlikely that anyone could have done much better
in his skates. The lifeless action sequences are shot so close that you really
have no idea what is supposed to be happening. To make matters worse, there is
a fifteen minute chase sequence midway through the film, that takes place on a
desert highway at night. The whole piece is shot in night vision so that the entire
screen image is green. I'm still not altogether sure what happened or why.
Rollerball
is one of the worst movies ever made. I don't see anything worse coming out this
year (knock on wood). It's a miserable movie experience that I will desperately
try to forget. I still have all the faith in the world in John McTiernan and I'm
sure that this is a picture that he'd love to have expunged from his record.
