Pumpkin
felt like a film that a college student had to write at the last minute as a class
assignment. That’s about how much depth, humanity and compassion was invested
into it. It felt like a Twilight Zone episode in that it was supposed to be happening
in the present, but everyone dressed and acted as if it were the mid 60’s.
Christina
Ricci plays a sorority sister with a good deal of tenure, who belongs to an also-ran
outfit that is always taking second place to their Rival sorority comprised tall
blonde alpha models who have life fed to them on a golden spoon. This year however,
the gals of Beta Bla Bla Bla have contrived a project that should finally win
them the coveted SOY award (Sorority of the Year). The plan is to have the Sisters
help a group of handicapped (challenged) Special Olympic athletes achieve their
dreams.
At first
Ricci finds the idea abhorrent as does her roommate, Doninique Swain (Lolita)
who turns in the worst performance by an actress in a non-Screaming horror film
role I’ve seen in years. She’s so, so bad, I still haven’t fully
come to terms with it. In any case, when these challenged fellows show up in their
short buses the challenged-lad that Ricci is matched with turns out to be a rather
normal looking fellow (Pumpkin) who has a slight speech impediment and a physical
problem akin to mild Palsy. Soon Ricci overcomes her aversion to the handicapped
and, to her vast confusion, begins to develop feelings toward Pumpkin.
This
is a development that horrifies every other character in the film from her Mother
to her roommate, to her boyfriend, to Pumpkin’s mother, to all of her Sorority
sisters, to the guy picking up litter in the streets - oh my goodness what an
outrage. I must now stop and tell you that this movie is so completely offensive
and awful that it should be rated (NC-17). No handicapped person is going to watch
this film and come away without being horribly offended and rightfully so.
The
relationship that eventually develops between Ricci and Pumpkin is so beside the
point amid all of this completely inane and ill-advised opposition that it hardly
matters and anyone with a conscience will turn this film off before it ends. The
performances are wooden and false across the board and again Dominque Swain is
so bad that it’s completely beyond comprehension - she was pretty good in
Lolita as I recall. Since I’m being so brutally candid I should confess that
one of the reasons I wanted to see this movie is because it was rated R which
held out the promise of seeing Ricci’s prodigious boobs, but even more cruelly
we are denied even this small consolation which makes one feel all the more dirty
and foolish for watching this reprehensibly bad film.
