Your, Mine and Ours
Starring: Dennis Quaid, Rene Russo
Directed by: Raja Gosnell

Released in the US: November 23, 2005
Released in the UK: Early 2006

Reviewed by: The Boneman, ZBoneman.com

Yours, Mine and Ours (the Henry Fonda, Lucille Ball original) has the distinction of being the first movie I ever saw at a Drive In theater. I don’t remember much about it (I was 8 at the time) but I remember feeling weird about seeing Lucy in bed with another man. The remake (ideally timed, not only because of the Holidays but because it beat Cheaper By The Dozen 2 into theaters) is a harmless, occasionally enjoyable bit of family-friendly fluff that will exit your cortex just about the same time you exit the theater.

Dennis Quaid reprises the Henry Fonda role as a Coast Guard Admiral - a recent widower now in sole charge of Eight children ranging in age from 4 - 17. Quaid is a military-minded father who likes a tight ship and that’s how he runs his family. His kids have mostly followed in his mold - a brood of can-do achievers, (student body presidents, cheerleaders, etc) who all get good grades and even the youngest address their father as Admiral.

After his wife’s death he relocates the family to his childhood home town, New London Connecticut and it isn’t long before he bumps into his high school sweetheart played by a refreshingly loose and charming Rene Russo. She has also found herself widowed, struggling to manage with 10 children (6 adopted - perhaps to explain her trim and sexy physique). She is a bit of dingy, liberal who makes a living as a handbag designer. Similarly her children take after their mother - musicians, poets, artists fill the house and her adopted kids make for quite a communal melting pot - giving the household a 60s vibe.

Once the two parents begin to date, they are reluctant to divulge the impressive numbers they’ve put up for fear of scaring the other off, and in it’s kind of a charming moment when they do end up coming clean about their respective abundance of children, as though it were some sort of unusual aphrodisiac, they kiss on the spot - some 30 years after their post high school ambitions led them apart. Before you can say “with six you get egg role” they have a family running 20 strong and as a necessity they move into a renovated lighthouse to accommodate such mind-boggling needs. If you want to shower with hot water you have to get up before 5.

Imagine getting cast as a child in a big Hollywood production with real live movie stars and discovering that you don’t have a speaking part. Naturally there isn’t time for many of the kids to achieve a character arc, and there are a few who you only see occasionally and who only get involved when everyone is in the same room screaming or complaining about something. I can just imagine one of the younger boys trying to impress a girl a few years down the road by saying, “yeah, I’ve done films. I was in Yours, Mine and Ours - I was the one wearing the green shirt.”

There are some funny and entertaining bits in the movie, mostly arising from the Republican vs. Democrat dynamic (sometimes as insightful as films whose chief focus is on such differences). Unfortunately, the masterminds behind the camera feel obliged to cater to the more common denominators, and as a result there are far too many tired physical gags - Quaid is doomed to slip and fall face-first in puddles of kiddy business. Still when the writers riff on the Red state/ Blue state conflicts, YMO has it’s moments.

In any case, it isn’t long before the children of each respective household realize that they are worlds apart in their interests and nature. This part of the plot can be summed up with a line spoken by one of Russo’s older boys: “Mom gets married and we get drafted.” As a result the children come together in a conspiracy to sabotage the marriage in order to get their old lives back. Kind of the opposite of The Parent Trap. These ploys range from the no-brainers (a full-on paint fight) to the more inspired (they dress to of the younger boys up in dresses and have them talk about dolls and throwing them a tea party). Though these are the kind of issues that are going to raise the Admiral’s eyebrows - the children underestimate just how much Dad enjoys firing those torpedoes in his hot new wifes direction. He’s in love is what I meant to say.

In the end, the children discover that they have become fond of each other and, in a nutshell, love carries the day. Yours, Mine and Ours is by no means a brilliant film, and alot of the time it seems to be just sliding by on the shock and awe of it’s premise. Still movies that promote wholesome family values are a rarity these days and for this reason it’s good to see this film competing at the box office. Still you have to wonder if it would have fared as well, had it come out after the Cheaper By the Dozen sequel.

Grade: C