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The Pacifier Movie Review:
By Sir Dizzy, ZBoneMan.com
The Pacifier, of all people is Vin Diesel starring in his (surprise) first Disney
film as Navy SEAL Shane Wolfe. As Wolfe is an elite member of the world's fiercest
and most highly trained fighting force, he thought he was prepared to take on
any assignement - no matter how perilous or demanding. That is, until he is called
upon to brave the most heroic of all human acts . . . baby-sitting.
Assigned
to protect the five out-of-control children of an assassinated scientist working
on vital government secrets, Shane is suddenly faced with juggling two disparate,
but equally harrowing tasks: fighting the evil-doers of the world, while looking
after a houseful of kids. Replacing his usual arsenal of wetsuits and weapons
with diapers and juice boxes, Shane not only must battle a deceptive enemy but
wrangle teen rebel Zoe (Brittany Snow), sullen 14 year-old Seth (Max Theriot),
eight-year-old Ninja-wanna-be Lulu (Morgan York), as well as three-year-old Peter
and baby Tyler -- not to mention their off-beat Romanian Nanny (Carol Kane). But
while drop zones, demolitions and destroying enemy targets come naturally to Shane,
he has no idea what tough really is until he pits his courage against diapering,
den-mothering and driver's education. He's truly a SEAL out of water, and now
it's up to this one-time lone warrior to take on the most important mission of
his life: keeping a family together. The
Pacifier starts off with a somewhat promising premise and quickly runs it into
the ground. Had they stuck to the fish-of-water comic premise, The Pacifier might
have at least been able to tread water. But the notion of him almost taking over
as their lost father made the movie too cutesy and almost made you want to gag
at times. Then again the movie lost me from the very first scenes, as they did
a very poor job of showing Vin Diesel as a NAVY Seal in the beginning. Sure
the movie has its funny moments but for the most part they are awash in a sugary
sea of cutesy, sentimental pap, that makes you wanna stick your finger down your
throat. This movie has been done much more effectively and funnier, namely Kindergarten
Cop. The idea
of throwing someone like Diesel into such a role prabably looked like a winner
on paper, but he just doesn't possess the acting chops, much less the comic-timing
to carry something like this off. Arnold, on the other hand, was able to play
against type with remarkable comic sensibility and it made that film all the more
hilarious and winning. Diesel 'looks' right for a part like this, but he hasn't
even really established himself as a good actor in any genre of film as of yet,
thus casting him here was a risk that really didn't pay off. In any case, he should
stick to what he does best and that’s popcorn flicks. As bad as Diesel was,
at times Brad Garrett was so much worse as the wrestling coach that I literally
wanted to hurt him, just to get him off the screen. If
you have seen the trailers, you have seen most of the funny moments of the movie
and would be better off just skipping the movie altogether. Check
out the Diz biz for all kinds of cool stuff at sirdizzy.com. Grade:
D+
Adam
Mast, ZBoneMan.com
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