‘You can teach them to type, but you can’t teach them to grow tits.’
Going: To Heaven
Crowning achievement: Once danced with Christina Aguilera in a Birmingham nightclub
Favourite movies: Road House, Star Wars, Back To The Future
Least favourite movies: Anything complicated
Thinks he looks like: Robbie Williams
Actually looks like: Dom Joly
Going: To Hobbiton if I don’t grow beyond 5′
Crowning achievement: Staying relatively relaxed in the presence of Mr. Spielberg
Favourite movies: Fight Club, Back To The Future, The Lord Of The Rings
Least Favourite movies: Anything with a distinct lack of Michael Fassbender
Thinks she looks like: Michelle ‘Lady Mary’ Dockery
Actually looks like: Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Tom from McFly’s lovechild
‘If you really wanted to screw me up, you should have got to me earlier.’
Going: Once, going twice…
Crowning achievement: Getting drunk with Stephen Graham and building a cheese moon.
Favourite movies: Good Will Hunting, Jurassic Park, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, High Fidelity, Super 8.
Least favourite movies: Ones that pretend to have interconnecting stories but, in truth, are just shit.
Thinks he looks like: Neil Patrick Harris or Alexander Armstrong
Actually looks like: A lovechild of the two
‘I couldn’t fuck a gorilla.’
Going: To Disneyland
Most attracted to: The Little Mermaid or Bill Murray. Whichever one’s up for it.
Favourite movies: Jaws, LA Confidential, Ghostbusters
Least favourite movies: Tim Burton’s career
Would like to be played by: Russell Crowe
Would most likely be played by: Justin Lee Collins
Going: To anywhere but Southend-On-Sea
Crowning achievement: Not losing it when she met Cillian Murphy
Favourite movies: Blue Valentine, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, Toy Story 2
Least favourite movies: Anything shown at university
Thinks she looks like: Anne Hathaway with short hair
Actually looks like: Shit
‘You know I said I’d kill you last… I lied!’
Going: Where everybody knows my name… failing this, to work and back
Crowning achievment: Seeing but not punching Jeremy Clarkson
Favourite movies: Warrior, Requiem For A Dream, Commando, The Lost Boys
Least favourite movies: The Fourth Kind, Dredd, The Future
Thinks he looks like: A lovely King Edward potato, all sexy and starchy
Actually looks like: A common garden potato
News, Horror Editor
‘The Lord said let there be light. And there was… And you could see for fucking miles!’
From: Tyne & Wear
Going: To Comic-Con (One day!)
Crowning achievment: Attended the Oscars in 2004
Favourite movies: The Shawshank Redemption, Halloween, The Thing, JFK
Least favourite movies: Anything with Chris Tucker (except SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK)
Thinks he looks like: Vin Diesel
Actually looks like: George Dawes
Home Entertainment Editor
‘There’s always one fuckhead like you trying to shit in the apple pie. Well you just shat in the one apple pie that knows how to shit back.’
Taken: To Isengard
Crowning achievment: Standing next to the Godzilla statue at Toho Studios whilst wearing a King Kong T-Shirt
Favourite movies: Seven Samurai, Mona Lisa, Godzilla, In Bruges, The Blair Witch Project, Amelie
Least favourite movies: We Need To Talk About Kevin, Cars 2, Mission Impossible 2, Gummo
‘Because that’s what I am.’
From: Originally hailing from Hounslow, currently residing in Twickenham. Still West London, newly a ponce.
Going: I’ve already been, thanks.
Crowning achievment: Did a skydive for charity, The Albert Kennedy Trust in particular. Have a butchers here.
Stage And Small Screen, Reviews
‘You can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were…I’m on drugs!’
Going: …loco down in Acapulco
Crowning achievement: When Thor 2 stopped filming so I could make my way to a University lesson I was late for.
Favourite movies: Hedwig And The Angry Inch, Almost Famous, My Own Private Idaho
Least favourite movies: All movies are good, even the shitty ones.
Thinks she looks like: Angelina Jolie
Actually looks like: Sloth from The Goonies (Heeeeeey you guys!)
Stage & Small Screen, Reviews
“I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen”
From: Kentish Town (via suburban zone 5)
Going: To travel the world someday
Crowning achievement: Making Olivia Coleman and Robert Webb coffee during work experience
Favourite Movies: Say Anything, everything by John Hughes
Least favourite movies: Most of the horror genre, The Hot Chick
Favourite TV: The West Wing, Friday Night Lights
Thinks she looks like: A young Meryl Streep
Actually looks like: A young Christopher Walken
“I’m a doctor dammit not a film critic”
Going: Nowhere fast…
Crowning achievement: Not jumping on Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston at a press conference
Favourite movies: To Kill a Mockingbird, Star Wars, Nightmare Before Christmas, 42, Lives of Others.
Least Favourite movies: Step Up, Step Up 2, Streetdance 1 and probably Streetdance 2.
Thinks she looks like: Sandra Bullock
Actually looks like: Sonia from Eastenders
‘We’re going to have to bop our way back.’
From: Da Endz (Harlesden, London)
Going: To hell, with all those other evil atheists, or so I am informed
Crowning achievement: Was once mistakenly praised for directing In Bruges
Favourite movies: The Warriors, Pan’s Labyrinth, The Edukators, Withnail & I
Least favourite movies: The Fast and Furious franchise, Shutter Island, The Thompsons, Michael Bay’s repertoire
Thinks he looks like: Tom Selleck; the degenerate hippie years
Actually looks like: Jesus Christ; during his brief stint as the slightly malnourished and lesser known fifth musketeer
‘I was hiding under your porch because I love you, can I stay?’
From: Vipperød, Denmark
Going: Straight to the Oscars…someday!
Crowning Achievement: Being an all-round badass! Oh, and once ate 1.5 kg of food in one meal
Favourite Movies: Sunshine, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Fight Club
Thinks He Looks Like: A young Liam Neeson
Actually Looks Like: Alfie Allen AKA Theon ‘Weirdo Creep’ Greyjoy
News, Reviews, Features
‘Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.’
Going: To take over the world
Dirtiest film secret: Sometimes YouTubes ‘Comfortably Numb – Departed’ just to watch amazing foreplay
Favourite movies: Rope, Fight Club, Say Anything
Least favourite movie: Anything with Kate Hudson
Favourite Movie Score: Edward Norton’s voice
Thinks she looks like: Jessica Alba
Actually looks like: A dark haired Gary Busey
‘’Come with me if you want to live.’
From: The land of Robin Hood, Nottingham, currently resides in the sometimes sunny Basildon.
Going: to become a creature from The Descent, if I don’t leave my basement dwelling job soon.
Crowning achievment: Meeting director Rian Johnson at a Q + A and having him remember me from the twitterverse.
Favourite movies: The Terminator, Aliens, Looper, The Crow, Labyrinth, Gremlins 2 and True Romance.
Least favourite movies: Anything too sweet, I like my films dark.
Thinks she looks like: Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton)
Actually looks like: Sarah Connor (she could be my mum)
‘Will someone get this big walking carpet out of my way?’
From: The Grim North
Going: Anywhere else
Crowning achievement: Pissing off Cillian Murphy mid-interview
Favourite movies: Pulp Fiction, Star Wars, anything Batman-related
Least favourite movies: [Almost] anything with De Niro post-2000, the spoof genre
Aspires to be like: ’70s/’80s Harrison Ford
Is actually more like: That one Stormtrooper who bangs his head in A New Hope
‘Good lord – I’ve heard about this- cat juggling!’
From: Despite saying Bristol to look “hip”, it’s actually Weston-super-Mare
Going: To Starfleet Academy
Crowning achievement: Once stood behind Brian May at a gig
Favourite movies: Blade Runner, Aliens, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Favourite TV: Buffy, Battlestar Galactica, ST: TNG, DS9, VGER
Thinks she looks like: Xena
Actually looks like: Daria
Features, Podcast, Tea-boy
‘They were still booing him when we came on stage.’
Going: Senile at 27
Crowning achievement: Scoring a tap-in at the Madejski Stadium
Favourite movies: This is Spinal Tap, Harold & Maude, Platoon
Least favourite movie: Requiem For a Dream
Thinks he looks like: Christian Bale
Actually looks like: Simon Cowell
Podcast, Features, Reviews
‘Do you see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?!’
Crowning achievement: Former child star of the 1989 TV movie The Woman in Black; it’s been downhill ever since.
Favourite movies: The Evil Dead 2, The Big Lebowski, Labyrinth, Harold and Maude, John Carpenter’s The Thing
Least favourite movies: The Amazing Spider Man (on principle), Eureka (pretentious and boring)
Thinks he looks like: Jason Statham
Actually looks like: A mal-nourished Mitchell brother
Reviews, Features, TV, Geek Cubed Podcast
‘I’m not bad. I’m just drawn that way.’
Going: To live forever or die trying!
Crowning achievement: Asked David Tennant a question on The Graham Norton Show. Graham Norton called him a genius!
Favourite movies: Jaws, 12 Angry Men, Dawn of the Dead, Shallow Grave, Lord of the Rings, Mary Poppins, Up
Least favorite movies: Twilight, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, Shrek the Third
Thinks he looks like: Ben Whishaw
Actually looks like: Velma from Scooby Doo, Post-Op