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Ice Age: Collision Course: “Loud, obnoxious, shrill, bright, and just unbearable.”

Ice Age Collision Course review: Is fifth time a charm? Or is it time this franchise went extinct?

Ice Age Collision Course review by Luke Ryan Baldock, July 2016.

Ice Age Collision Course review

Ice Age Collision Course review

14 years the Ice Age franchise has been going on. Almost makes you feel old. The first Ice Age was a lovely little gem with smart, witty dialogue, a simple but emotionally engaging story, and great characters. From Blue Sky Studios, it was refreshing to see a company previously known for handling special effects, step-up for Fox and take on Pixar, Dreamworks and Disney. With every one of their films at least doubling their budgets, and the last two Ice Age films hitting close to $900 million, they are certainly a monetary success. But alas, the heart of the original has gone, and whereas before it wanted to create memorable memories for your child, now it just wants to keep them hypnotised with an unhealthy dose of colour and noise.

Since the previous films handled the survival of the dinosaurs, and anthropomorphised animals as pirates (I have no clue), now it only makes sense for the film to go a bit science-fiction. Lovable short movie fodder Scrat (Chris Wedge) has once again invaded this feature length film, with his opening having him discover an alien spaceship and soon changing the architecture of the solar system, before accidentally sending an asteroid towards Earth. On our planet, Manny (Ray Romano) has forgotten his anniversary to wife Ellie (Queen Latifah), and is devastated by his daughter Peaches (Keke Palmer) impending nuptials to Julian (Adam Devine). Meanwhile, Sid (John Leguizamo) searches for a mate, and Diego (Denis Leary) and Shira (Jennifer Lopez) think about having children. But as meteorites start hurtling towards Earth the gang follow old friend Buck (Simon Pegg) to the crash site of a previous impact in the hopes of saving the world.

Ice Age Collision Course review

Ice Age Collision Course review

Yes, remember when the animals just wanted to get a human baby back to their family? Now they are saving the world, because that’s what we all wanted to see. The synopsis above doesn’t even mention the other characters thrust into the film such as wrist-cuttingly annoying Crash (Sean William Scott) and Eddie (Josh Peck), nor Sid’s grandmother Granny (Wanda Sykes). With so many characters and star vocalists, you may wonder how the budget is kept so low. That probably has something to do with the fact that each character has around 10 lines (if that), all of which could have been recorded in one day. The film is painfully unfocused, giving us a huge cast of characters, most of whom are grating unlikable.

The animation is built around the 3D, which means we get magical magnetic hovering rocks, which allows for flying, as well as a yoga llama, called Shangri Llama (Jesse Tyler Fergusen), who just shouts out yoga positions and darts around the screen. Ice Age: Collision Course doesn’t give you time to rest. It just yells at you and dances around, and if it thinks it’s losing the attention of its audience then it will mention bums or slap itself in the face for cheap laughs. Drama tries to wriggle its way in as the parents fear their daughter will leave them after marriage, but it all seems so trivial when the world is about to end.

Ice Age Collision Course review

Ice Age Collision Course review

Ice Age: Collision Course is loud, obnoxious, shrill, bright, and just unbearable. Characters have nothing to do or say, and there are far too many of them. Like the 3D it is all very in your face and it seems to forget that sometimes limiting your imagination is a good thing. Many will argue that it’s for the kids, but so was the first one and that was adorable, clever, concise, and not 90 minutes long. Kids also love chemically coloured sweets and kicking the backs of chairs. Kids can be stupid, and this travesty will only encourage them. In a year of Zootropolis and Finding Dory, and fairly decent tries such as The Secret Life of Pets and the surprisingly decent The Angry Birds Movie, Ice Age 5 is painful watch. Hell, it’s worse than Norm of the North.

Ice Age: Collision Course review by Luke Ryan Baldock, July 2016.

Ice Age: Collision Course is released 15th July 2016.

Luke likes many things, films and penguins being among them. He's loved films since the age of 9, when STARGATE and BATMAN FOREVER changed the landscape of modern cinema as we know it. His love of film extends to all aspects of his life, with trips abroad being planned around film locations and only buying products featured in Will Smith movies. His favourite films include SEVEN SAMURAI, PASSION OF JOAN OF ARC, IN BRUGES, LONE STAR, GODZILLA, and a thousand others.

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