Today sees the release of Robert Zemeckis’ Oscar nominated return to live-action, FLIGHT (here’s our review). FLIGHT sees Denzel Washington playing a coked up, alcoholic pilot, that manages to successfully land a malfunctioning plane despite the fact he is quite simply off his tits. In celebration of such an event I was asked to put together a list of the worst pilots ever. Unfortunately, I’m a bit of a frickin’ idiot, and so here’s a list of terrible or just bizarre pilots, but they’re pilots for TV series. Sorry about that. Also please remember that there is a gigantic amount of hilarious crap out there, and we couldn’t possibly cover it all.
10. THE IT CROWD (US)
This wont be the last US interpretation of a British show on this list. The saddest thing about this is that it’s a complete retread of the British version, using the exact same script. Richard Ayoade reprises his role as Moss, and Joel McHale takes over from Chris O’Dowd. Luckily for McHale, COMMUNITY wasn’t too far behind.
If it isn’t a US remake of a British show, then you can be damned sure it’s a DC property. Yep! DC have created shows a hundred times more shocking than JONAH HEX and CATWOMAN. This is one of the better ones, as it is a direct spin-off of the Adam West series, and also stars the man himself.
08. RED DWARF (US)
One of the most infamous attempts at translating a British series to the screen. The show (like Ayoade’s reprisal in THE IT CROWD) has Robert Llewellyn return as Kryton, and Craig Bierko as a handsome and matinee idol type Lister. You can see where problems may start to develop. The terrible delivery of the jokes doesn’t help either.
07. A DOG’S LIFE
Okay, so if it isn’t a US remake or a DC property, then chances are if a show doesn’t take off, it’s about dogs. You wouldn’t believe some of the awful shows that have been produced. May I remind you that people are paid to come up with these ideas. In this show actors are dressed up as dogs and give the hounds’ opinions of the world.
06. K-9 & COMPANY
A triple threat that guarantees television crap. Dog? Check! Robot? Check! Spin-Off? Check! Yep, before Sarah Jane enjoyed her successful spin-off thanks to NuWho, there was this shabby attempt. The opening theme tune is the most impressive, and only entertaining thing about this show.
I’ve warned you about dogs and I warned you about DC superheroes, so what the flying fuck is this? Like some kind of nightmare where a dog in heat has screwed members of the DC universe, these creepy anthropomorphic disasters fall back on the good old tool of dog puns. Clark Kent is now Bark Bent. That’s the most intelligent bit of writing the show has to offer.
04. STEEL JUSTICE
Robots! YAY! Whenever I hear about a terrible robot based pilot I immediately think of Joey Tribiani’s failed show MAC & Cheese in the sitcom FRIENDS. Here the idea is even more ridiculous, as a cop takes his dead son’s robotic dinosaur and fights crime with it.
Enough to make you take a bucket of popcorn down to the nearest vets and watch the little beasts be put down isn’t it? What sounds like the spoof SIMPSONS spin-off The Love-matic Grandpa, Peter Boyle plays a cop who dies and has his soul enter the body of his dog. I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence.
02. JUSTICE LEAGUE
Hello DC my old friends. Seriously though, their comics are pretty good. In the same year that they punished us with BATMAN AND ROBIN, we were also given this disgraceful pilot that only ever aired in the UK on Channel 5. It tried to be a superhero version of FRIENDS, and had snippets of the characters talking to the camera. All the male actors were horribly cast and unfortunately plump around the middle. Can’t wait to see the cinematic equivalent in 2015.
01. HEIL HONEY I’M HOME
Finally we have this little beauty which seems as though it could have been a cutaway gag in a FAMILY GUY episode. This British show was a spoof of situation comedies, but perhaps it was just a little too much for its own show. It could have worked as a sketch…maybe.
So the next time you’re creating a new TV show please avoid dogs, DC comics, robots, remakes of British shows, and of course Hitler.
FLIGHT is released today! You can read the glowing THN review here!