Five Ridiculous 1980s Movie Music Videos!

It’s scientific fact that movie stars and pop singers are the most important people in the world. So what happens when they come together for a film/music video crossover? Surely we’re talking about a monumental event of crossing the streams-style proportions. The showbiz equivalent of total proton reversal, with enough star power to blow Joe Public’s tiny minds. In reality however, it’s usually a load of old guff and a painful embarrassment for everyone involved. Especially back in 1980s. To celebrate the worst and best movie-music videos, THN has compiled some of its favourites into this list of wry observations.

Rock on, baby.

CYNDI LAUPER

THE GOONIES ‘R’ GOOD ENOUGH (1985)

In the mid-1980s, Cyndi Lauper joined the ‘Rock ‘n’ Wrestling Connection’, helping promote the increasingly popular WWF by lending some glitz and glamour to its wrestling shows. In a nutshell, Cyndi Lauper couldn’t fart without ‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper following her around to sniff it and grin like a nutcase, in the vain hope of selling Wrestlemania to the MTV generation. That would explain Piper’s – and a number of other then-WWF meatheads’ – appearance in this bizarre video. But the real stars of Lauper’s music video are 80s child heroes the Goonies, who camp it up nicely for this seven minute abomination. Crap as it is, stick it out until the very end for another cheeky cameo from a certain director.

THE FAT BOYS

ARE YOU READY FOR FREDDY? (1985)

By the time 1988 rolled around, Freddy Kruger had become a figure of fun and pop culture favourite, almost like a horrifically scarred Father Christmas who likes to touch up and murder children. How could you not love him? His status as comedy-horror hero was cemented by this nonsense, which was released as the official theme song to A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4: THE DREAM MASTER, and features actor Robert Englund pissing away his chances of ever playing Hamlet by prancing around in Freddy-mode and even trying his claw at some rapping. And you thought his one-liners were bad.

QUEEN

PRINCES OF THE UNIVERSE (1986)

When Ryan Reynolds was recently announced as the star of upcoming HIGHLANDER remake, the fans cried heresy. After all, could anyone think of an actor less suited to play the role of Scottish warrior Connor MacLeod? How about mumbling Frenchman Christopher Lambert? Hmmmm. Dubious casting aside, HIGHLANDER is lots of fun and, despite aging less well than its immortal protagonist, remains a firm favourite to this day. And just in case we’d all forgotten how brilliant the accompanying Queen soundtrack is, here’s a video featuring both Freddie Mercury and Christopher Lambert sharing the stage for this absolute banger of a anthem. These days it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but back in the mid-1980s, the thought of seeing a real film star in a music video was enough to make us shit our kilts.

ALICE COOPER

HE’S BACK (THE MAN BEHIND THE MASK) (1986)

No amount of mascara can disguise the fact Alice Cooper looks like a scrotum sack stretched over a particularly pointy skeleton. But at least he has the decency to pop a hockey mask on from time to time. Yes, it’s the fateful meeting of Alice and horror icon Jason Voorhees, who collaborated to promote FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI: JASON LIVES. Arguably the best of all the FRIDAY sequels, it marked the return of Voorhees, who had been absent since the fourth installment, THE FINAL CHAPTER. However, what’s most notable from this video is Cooper’s erratic behaviour, such as smashing a jug in his own face and talking out of his arse. One can only assume he’s on hard drugs; in fact, watch the video with that in mind and it all makes much more sense.

ROBERT TEPPER

NO EASY WAY OUT (1985)

Possibly the finest four minutes YouTube has to offer, Robert Tepper’s ‘No Easy Way Out’ from ROCKY IV combines a montage of almost all the ROCKY movies and some footage of Tepper himself poncing around in a daft coat. Though this entry is a bit of a cheat – Stallone doesn’t appear in person – there’s no denying its 80s brilliance. After all, everybody knows the best thing about ROCKY is the montages, and this is one motherfucker of a montage. It’s pretty hard to watch this and not immediately leap to your feet to punch the nearest person to you square in the face. And not only that, Robert Tepper looks a bit like Guy of Gisborne from PRINCE OF THIEVES. Although you’d never catch the ruthless Gisborne punching the air in time to electronic drums. Have some self re-cocking-spect man.

 

Tom Fordy is a writer and journalist from Bristol. He is a regular contributor to The Hollywood News, Loaded, and Zip magazine, where he puts his years of movie addiciton to bloody good use. He is also the founder and sole reader of adult humour blog FilmC*nt. Tom Fordy now lives in East London with his partner, son, and massive collection of pointless crap. He plans to eat himself to death very soon.

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