© 2012 Disney

Director: Lev L Spiro

Cast: George Lopez, Odette Annable, Erin Cahill, Sebastian Roche, Kyle Gass, Kay Panabaker, Tom Kenny, Marcus Coloma, Briana Lane.

Certificate: U

Running Time: 87 mins

Synopsis: When Rachel and Sam move into a posh Beverly Hills hotel, they bring along their faithful chihuahuas, Papi and Chloe, and all of their adorable puppies. These wise cracking canines are a loving family, and when youngest pup Rosa starts to feel smaller and less special than ever before, Papi must do whatever he can to help her, and his owners, find the happiness they deserve…

We at THN love family films. But BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA 3: VIVA LA FIESTA! looked like it would stretch anyone’s patience. Upon completing the film, we considered offering the great Spinal Tap two-word review; ‘Shit Sandwich.’ However, as fans of poetry, we now present our review made entirely of Hai Ku’s.

Sadly, I confess,
I have not seen the first two
Chihuahua based films.

So, going in cold,
I knew not what to expect.
What I got, was balls.

The film claims to be
About loving families.
That’s true, to a point.

It’s mainly about
A spoiled dog and her owners’
Love of lots of things.

The lead dog, Papi,
Tries his best with their pups, but
Feels he’s losing touch.

When their owners get
Jobs in a posh hotel, they
All move in. To there.

The youngest pup, Rosa,
Feels like the runt of the group.
Papi tries to help.

Meanwhile, their owners
Try to get on with their jobs
And Kyle Gass turns up.

Chloe (the spoilt dog)
Is all about the high life.
And that’s the problem.

We are being told
That material goods are
What girls really want.

Chloe/her owner
Both have tons of shopping bags
Which, considering

Their lack of wealth, is
Either pure fantasy or
Maxxed out credit cards.

Neither good things to
Show impressionable girls.

There are, however,
two scenes worthy of your time
As they’re quite funny.

Dog plays piano,
Well edited, silly scene.
Worthy of Henson.

Dog bands audition
With pun-names, like Hound Garden
Bob Marley and Me.

The mariachi
Narrators are also good.
And there’s a message

Urging viewers to
Adopt dogs responsibly.
Good work there, Disney.

They’re plasters over cancer.
And it’s terminal.

Quite simply, Disney’s
Beverly Hills Chihuahua
Three is a bad film.

The highest praise is
That very, VERY young kids
Might like it. A bit.

But I would go for
Animated Scooby Doo’s
If your little ones

Want dog themed movies.
Disney should do the right thing.
To quote Kent Brockman;

“No children will cry,
When THIS puppy is put to
Sleep.” Ay Chihuahua!

 Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3 is coming straight to DVD on the 3rd of September.